A few years ago I did a spoof post dedicated to Piers
Gaveston’s 12 Days of Christmas, in which he listed all his presents from
Edward II here, So this year, it’s
Edward’s turn to list his presents from Piers, who obviously doesn’t have as
much money as Edward but knows him really well!
On the first day of Christmas, my true love, Piers, sent to
me a miniature portrait of himself – how thoughtful of him, as he knows how
much I love to gaze upon him.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love, Piers, sent to
me a rather rude joke about Thomas of Lancaster inside a cracker – hilarious! And
too rude to repeat here!
On the third day of Christmas, my true love, Piers sent to
me a book entitled ‘Thatching Made Easy’ – he’s just so thoughtful!
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love, Piers sent to
me some soothing hand balm, to use after a hard day’s thatching. How sweet of him!
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love, Piers sent to
me the bill for his new purple silk tunic.
I don’t mind of course – purple does suit him so well, and purple silk
is just so expensive – especially with ermine trim.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love, Piers sent to
Isabella the wrong directions for Langley, which means she arrived the day
after Boxing Day. I know I shouldn’t
laugh, but, well, I just can’t help it!
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love, Piers, sent
to me a dog collar for Guy of Warwick – ok, a bit cheeky, but surely Guy can
take a joke.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love, Piers, sent a
matching dog tag for the collar, with Guy inscribed on it! Guy seems to have lost his sense of humour!
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love, Piers, sent to
me a fine pair of oars, with the royal crest on them. He
says he’s looking forward to me using them, rowing for all I’m worth,
shirtless, down the Thames with my muscles on view!
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love, Piers, sent to
me a poem about said muscles. It must
remain private I’m afraid.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love, Piers sent
to me some forks which he says are for eating pears. I think it’s another of his jokes.
On the twelfth day of
Christmas, my true love, Piers sent to me the key to his room – so I’m off now
to find him! Merry Christmas!
