Wednesday, 29 October 2008

Piers Gaveston – the Russell Brand of his day?

Once again, that modern day outrageous dandy, Russell Brand, is in the news. This time, the object of his sharp, and insulting, some might say, wit, is ‘Manuel’s grand-daughter’ – i.e., the actor Andrew Sachs' grand-daughter, with whom Brand alleges he slept with and left offensive messages informing the actor Sachs of this on his answering machine. Sachs is best remembered for playing Manuel in Fawlty Towers. Said granddaughter is a member of the dance troupe ‘The Satanic Sluts’. The BBC has been inundated with complaints, with demands for Brand – and his co-host for that show, Jonathan Ross, to be sacked, questions have been asked by all political parties and even parliament has raised the issue, culminating in Prime Minister Gordon Brown having his say. Russell has been splashed all over the newspapers, tabloids and broadsheets, all vilifying him for his insulting behaviour.

And all this has put me in mind of perhaps the 14th century Russell Brand – Piers Gaveston. Yes, really. If Piers were around today, I could certainly see him wearing skin-tight leather trousers, with wild hair and dripping jewellery – who knows, maybe he did in the 14th century? And all those accusations of sorcery and witchcraft – maybe he had his own Satanic Sluts? And as for insults, well, he would make Brand look like a beginner. Brand may have attacked George Bush, Manual’s grand-daughter and the Jonas brothers – but Piers went for the jugular – The Fiddler/or Churl, (Duke of Lancaster), the Black Hound of Arden (Earl of Warwick) and Joseph the Jew (Earl of Pembroke) just to name some. Brand would have to insult the whole cabinet and be in fear of pain of death to even try and compete.

Brand merely confined his insults to verbal, but Piers went one better – holding a tournament at Wallingford, inviting all the magnates and grinding them into the dust. Throw in taking pride of place at the King’s coronation and Brand pales into significance.

Thankfully for Russell, I can’t see him being forced into exile or being marched to Blacklow Hill in a covet operation to be murdered.


Alianore said...

Hehe, Piers made Russell look like a rank beginner. ;) And for all the scandal of 'Sachsgate', at least Russell won't end up with his beautiful head rolling in the dust! Poor Piers...

Ceirseach said...

Skin-tight purple pearl-covered velvet leather trousers, of course.

Don't ask how something can be both velvet and leather at once. If you have enough money and a reputation for a bit of a temper, your tailor won't ask you either.

Lady D. said...

LOL Anerje. I hadn't made the connection before this post but now I can't get it out of my head! And yes, Piers would easily have outdone Brand and also, somehow, done it with far more class!