Sunday, 29 July 2012

'E Rex' seeks advice.....

Dear Auntie Flo,

Oh dear, where do I start?  I would describe myself as the head of a big, family business - yes, that's it.  I'll call myself E Rex.  I have been a bit of a disappointment to my family in the past - I'm afraid I haven't always behaved like the son of the head of the family firm.  Now that I am the head, I was hoping things would improve.  But I have heard people whispering about me, and complaining that I spend too much time on my hobbies, such a ditch-digging and swimming - and my chief hobby in particular - my best friend 'P'.  I call him that because we spend all our time together.  Our friendship is a bit difficult to explain - we call it a sort of brotherhood, really, and this involves doing most things together - even sleepovers!  He's not into ditch-digging best, but gives me plenty encouragement when I do. He always watches me toiling away in the sunshine.  It's always great fun, and of course, as my best friend, he's been, er,  promoted.  Obviously, there are many who are jealous of him, and who can blame them?  He's just so wonderful - handsome, witty and confident.  As head of the family, I realise it's my duty to marry for  it's sake - and have done so.  This is my real problem - my bride is 12 years-old, and despite her youth, is very keen to be my wife.  I'm in my 20s - she's far too young to interest me.  I'd rather wait until she was, oh, 20!  But she is being very demanding and has even complained that I allowed my best friend to keep her jewels safe - ok, he did wear some to an important banquet - and very handsome he looked as well - but who better to look after things for me?  She's now hinting that she wants to come to one of our sleepovers, and has even asked her uncles to 'have a word' about my husbandly duties.  What can I do? 

yours hopefully, E Rex

Dear E Rex,

hmm, I think there are a number of issues here that need addressing.   First, who cares what your father thought of you?  You're in charge now, right?  As for your bride - yes, a 12 year-old is too young for you to spend time with.  Can't you make sure she has extra lessons, plenty of exercise and is in bed by 7pm, where either you or your friend could read her a goodnight story?  Maybe get her a pet dog as well?  I'm sure she'll be much happier.

What concerns me is your 'friendship' with 'P'.  You have real blood brothers - why do you want a 'brotherhood' pact with someone else?   And please - you are too old for sleepovers.  You don't fool me - even if you can fool a 12 year-old girl.  You are of course in love with 'P', and providing you are discreet, I don't see why you shouldn't enjoy your 'sleepovers' and 'brotherhood':)  You should be cautious, and perhaps not give your friend so many promotions and favours, no matter how handsome he is.  It may also be worth having a word with your child bride's uncles, and ask them to put her in the picture.  Enjoy your ditch-digging and your friend!

good luck, Auntie Flo

3 comments:

Kathryn Warner said...

Heee, I'm really loving this series! So clever and funny! Hmmm, E Rex and P...now who on earth might they be...? :-)

Anerje said...

Glad you're enjoying it:> A couple more to do. Yes, who are E Rex and P?:>

Gabriele C. said...

Sleepovers, heh.