Sunday, 20 December 2009

Merry Christmas!

As is traditional this time of year, there are a range of novelty books with a history focus available. I've been treated to 'Robin the Hoodie - An ASBO history of Britain'. There's a section on Edward II, which raised a smile from me. It's called 'Edward II: A Royal Eye for the Straight Knight'.

Edward is described thus - 'This strange youth didn't seem at all warlike like his father, and as for booze, it as rumoured the only thing he would touch was gin. His favourite companion was a flamboyant young knight named Pirs Gaveston; togeher, the pair would spend their time giggling, whispering and criticizing the facial hair of the king's favourte knights.' Ed and Piers would also skip jousting lessons 'to hang around in the woods reading French poetry'.

Of course, Edward Ist fails to change his son's ways, and when crowned king, Ed decids to change things at court - the barons are summoned to the Tower, which has had a makeover. The Earl of Arundel is seized by Piers and some other knights, dragged through the streets of London to a merchant's house, where he is tied to a chair, and a blade held close to his throat - and is then shaved! Edward has orered a 'Style Emergency!' Arundel has his eyebrows plucked, his hair cut and given a bath, with new clothes and some chic Italian boots:) The other barons are astonished when Arundel appears in front of them after his makeover, with a spring in his step.

'"well?" said Edward.

"Well...' replied the earl slowly, "Mrs Arundel was impressed."

"How impressed?" said Edward.

"Like four times impressed", the earl roared.'

The chamber then descends into uproar. The barons love Ed's makeovers, and sign up for them. Their castles and themselves are madeover, and 'Edward II was celebrated far and wide as the leding light of a new golden age. It could have lasted forever were it not for a revolutionary new beauty treatment which arrived from France in 1327. Witht he benefit of hindsight, red-hot poker colonic irrigation was obviously a step too far.'


Other stories to receive the treatment are 'The peasants Revolt and the Birth of Social Networking', 'Henry VIII, Lover, Stoner, Entrepreneur' and 'Walter Raleigh, social climber'.

4 comments:

Lady D. said...

Brilliant! Alternative history at it's best!
Have a great Christmas Anerje! :-)

Anerje said...

You to Lady D! Sorry, Hugh didn't get a mention in it - but I don't think Hugh was as flamyboyant as Piers anyway:)

Gabriele C. said...

Lol, Piers and Ed might have dabbled in haute couture if they lived today.

Merry Christmas.

Anerje said...

and a Happy New Year to you Gabriele!

I'm sure they'd be very successful if they did:)