Now who is writing to Auntie Flo?

Dear Auntie Flo,

Oh dear – where to start?  Well, I’ll call myself Tom, and I am part of a great, powerful, family, of which I’m immensely proud.  Unfortunately, I’m not the head of the family, although there are many who think I should be.  My cousin is the head – let’s call him ‘Ed’.  I admit he looks like the head of a great family – he’s very striking, muscular and has presence, but he doesn’t always act like the head.   He enjoys rather vulgar pursuits such as swimming and rowing – and much worse that I daren’t tell you.  Worst of all, he seems, erm, devoted to his ‘best friend’ who I’ll call ‘Peter’.  This friend is just so unsuitable – for a start, he’s not even English, he comes from Gascony, of all places!  And I’m sure you know what those Gascons are like!   He’s not even well-born!  I admit he was thought as a suitable companion for my cousin in his teens – I will say he is graceful and well-mannered.   The family were a little bit worried about how ‘friendly’ my cousin and this Gascon were, and we did our best to separate them for their own good.  But now my cousin is in charge, he and his friend are behaving outrageously!   This Peter has been promoted beyond his wildest dreams, given land and jewels.  Of course, it’s turned his head, and he now is just such a show-off, mocking me for my lack of manners amongst other things – and all the while my cousin just laughs.  He is so arrogant!  Whenever we discuss the family business, this Peter takes centre stage, and Ed listens to only him.  This is just so wrong!  I mean, I am a fine leader of men myself – many think me more suited to my cousin’s job, and I’m much more of a role model than this Gascon upstart.  My cousin has had to marry for the family’s sake – and his wife is a lovely, beautiful, powerful girl – I mean, she is only 12, but she’s so beautiful!  We hoped this would ‘cure’ Ed – but no, he’s more devoted to his friend than ever!  They even have sleepovers!  Please tell me how to rid my cousin of this awful man and realise how marvellous I am. 

Yours  majestically, Tom, Lancaster

Dear Tom,

What is going on here?  I don’t think your cousin’s friend is the problem – who, to be fair, sounds a lot of fun.  You don’t.  It seems to be you are a very jealous person – jealous of your cousin’s looks, hobbies, and his best friend.   You admit this friend has many good attributes.  You accuse him of being arrogant – and yet you talk about how suited you are for the top job and what a marvellous role model you are for your cousin.  At least this Peter has a sense of humour, which your cousin must find a pleasant change as you sound so pompous and snobbish.  I find it disturbing that you would rather your twenty something cousin should be spending all his time with a 12 year old girl than this fun, pleasure-seeking best friend.  You need to get over your jealousy, leave your cousin to run the business and enjoy his friendship with Peter.   Get your own life!

Sincerely, Auntie Flo (and can you send me a portrait of this Peter?  I want to see if he has the looks to match the personality!)

'E Rex' seeks advice.....

Dear Auntie Flo,

Oh dear, where do I start?  I would describe myself as the head of a big, family business - yes, that's it.  I'll call myself E Rex.  I have been a bit of a disappointment to my family in the past - I'm afraid I haven't always behaved like the son of the head of the family firm.  Now that I am the head, I was hoping things would improve.  But I have heard people whispering about me, and complaining that I spend too much time on my hobbies, such a ditch-digging and swimming - and my chief hobby in particular - my best friend 'P'.  I call him that because we spend all our time together.  Our friendship is a bit difficult to explain - we call it a sort of brotherhood, really, and this involves doing most things together - even sleepovers!  He's not into ditch-digging best, but gives me plenty encouragement when I do. He always watches me toiling away in the sunshine.  It's always great fun, and of course, as my best friend, he's been, er,  promoted.  Obviously, there are many who are jealous of him, and who can blame them?  He's just so wonderful - handsome, witty and confident.  As head of the family, I realise it's my duty to marry for  it's sake - and have done so.  This is my real problem - my bride is 12 years-old, and despite her youth, is very keen to be my wife.  I'm in my 20s - she's far too young to interest me.  I'd rather wait until she was, oh, 20!  But she is being very demanding and has even complained that I allowed my best friend to keep her jewels safe - ok, he did wear some to an important banquet - and very handsome he looked as well - but who better to look after things for me?  She's now hinting that she wants to come to one of our sleepovers, and has even asked her uncles to 'have a word' about my husbandly duties.  What can I do? 

yours hopefully, E Rex

Dear E Rex,

hmm, I think there are a number of issues here that need addressing.   First, who cares what your father thought of you?  You're in charge now, right?  As for your bride - yes, a 12 year-old is too young for you to spend time with.  Can't you make sure she has extra lessons, plenty of exercise and is in bed by 7pm, where either you or your friend could read her a goodnight story?  Maybe get her a pet dog as well?  I'm sure she'll be much happier.

What concerns me is your 'friendship' with 'P'.  You have real blood brothers - why do you want a 'brotherhood' pact with someone else?   And please - you are too old for sleepovers.  You don't fool me - even if you can fool a 12 year-old girl.  You are of course in love with 'P', and providing you are discreet, I don't see why you shouldn't enjoy your 'sleepovers' and 'brotherhood':)  You should be cautious, and perhaps not give your friend so many promotions and favours, no matter how handsome he is.  It may also be worth having a word with your child bride's uncles, and ask them to put her in the picture.  Enjoy your ditch-digging and your friend!

good luck, Auntie Flo

Agony Aunt 13th century style

For some reason, the recent discovery of some medieval underwear has inspired me to write a spoof  agony aunt post from a certain Isabella.........

Dear Auntie Flo,

Please can you help me?  I am 12 years old, and apparently the most beautiful woman in Europe, if not the world.  That's what my family and father's courtiers tell me.  Any man who sees me will fall madly in love with me.   I am just so beautiful!  I may be only 12, but could pass for at least 14.  So why am I so unhappy?  Well, I have just got married to a man chosen by my father.  He is very handsome, and considerably older than me - but as I am so beautiful, this shouldn't be a problem.  However, my husband has been rather reluctant to spend any time with me.  He has unusual hobbies such as thatching roofs and digging ditches.   Bizarre, isn't it?  Although I know nothing about these hobbies, I'm willing to put up with them.  What I cannot put up with is the amount of time he spends with his best friend - a certain Gascon who I will call 'Perrot'.  My husband spends most of his time with his best friend - they are always together and even have sleep-overs, to which I am never invited.  My husband even allowed him to try on our wedding jewellery - even if I confess it did look much better on him.  He is very handsome.  I've asked my friends their advice.  Some have suggested taking up my husband's hobbies - but I've no idea how to dig a ditch, and when one has servants, why would you even want to?  Another friend suggests I have a sleep-over in my bedroom and invite them both.  Yet another has told me about a new invention called a bra with matching knickers, and that my husband may find me irresistible in them.  What do you think?

Isa, aged 12.


Dear Isa,

I have a sneaking suspicion I may know who you are on about, so here is my advice.  First, no matter how beautiful you are, I'm afraid there are some men who just won't fancy you - simple as that.  I might add you sound very conceited about your looks, and this can be unattractive to many - including your husband.  You are also only 12 years old - what on earth can you possibly have in common with your husband?  You say he likes thatching and digging ditches - he sounds an outdoor type and I'm sure he looks very handsome, stripped to the waist and gleaming with sweat.  So what are your interests?  Playing with dolls?  riding your pony?  Hardly likely to entice your husband away from a ditch, eh?  As for your husband's friend - you say he is very handsome and looks better in your jewellery than you - are you sure you are not a little in love with him yourself, and that's why you resent your husband spending time with him?   I must say you sound very immature to want to have a sleep-over with your husband and his friend, and I feel it my duty to have to break the news to you that grown men do not have sleep-overs, and that I strongly suspect this friend offers your husband something you cannot.  Perhaps you should ask an older male relative to have a little chat to you about this.  Oh, and as for the bra and knickers - after the chat with your male relative, you will see that they are useless, and I'd pack them away and forget about them.   Your husband will want children at some point, and when you grow up, you may find you enjoy spending such little time with your husband and enjoy splurging on bling and clothes for yourself, and being waited on like a Queen, and caring for your children.

best wishes, Auntie Flo

Medieval Underwear?

Nothing to do with Piers, but this story did catch my attention in the media this week.  A set of underwear, consisting of a bra and knickers, has been found in a castle in Austria.  Bras were thought to have only been invented about 100 years, but it seems history may have to be re-written.  Here's a picture of the very modern-looking bra. 

700th anniversary

Today, June 19^th marks 2012 marks the 700^th anniversary of Piers Gaveston’s death.    To mark the anniversary this year, I thought I’d take a look at the inscription on the Gaveston Cross memorial.   My first ever post on this blog was about my search for this monument.  It is a Grade II listed monument, hidden away, and no-one seems to know who the monument actually belongs to.  The monument is made of sandstone and is over 6 metres tall.  It was put up by a local squire called Bertie Greatheed who lived nearby at Guys Cliffe.  I’ve never found out what inspired him to put this monument in place.  If he was an admirer of Piers,  why does it have such an awful inscription on it?  The inscription was written by a local curate and friend, Dr Samuel Parr.  It reads –

In the Hollow of this Rock,
Was beheaded,
On the 1^st Day of July, 1312,
By Barons lawless as himself,
PIERS GAVESTON, Earl of Cornwall;
The Minion of a hateful King:
In Life and Death,
A memorable Instance of Misrule.

The date is incorrect and it hardly honours Piers, Edward II or those who set out to kill him, so maybe it was purely the local history of the place, that inspired him.   So for the 700^th anniversary, I shall write what I would like to see inscribed.

In the Hollow of this Rock

Was unjustly executed

By over-mighty barons

On June 19^th 1312

Piers Gaveston, Earl of Cornwall

Devoted and loyal friend of King Edward II

RIP Piers Gaveston.  I shall raise a glass of wine and toast as usual.

Reflecting on 'don't defame the dead'

There is a very interesting topic being discussed in some of my favourite blogs, started by Kathryn at her brilliantly researched Edward II, and also at the Thomas Cromwell Experience and Neville Feast.  It’s all about ‘Don't defame the dead’.   Edward II, Thomas Cromwell and Richard Neville, Earl of Warwick have all been much maligned in fiction and non-fiction.  It can be easily done because you cannot libel the dead.  And once a historical person is given a reputation, it can sometimes be very hard to shake the perception.    Those with an interest in history will I’m sure make the effort to check so-called facts, sources and interpretations.  Those who merely like a good story, probably won’t, unless their interest is sparked.  A friend of mine always reads the top sellers, whatever their content, and I could hardly believe what she was trying to tell me about Anne Boleyn after reading ‘The Other Boleyn Girl’ by Phillippa Gregory.  I just cannot believe that anyone would think Anne guilty of the charge of incest.   There are so many biographies on Anne, and almost all find her innocent of the charges brought against her – but a work of fiction being quoted at me as evidence of her character was shocking!   Even worse was the film that followed, which those with little knowledge took as ‘the truth’.   You could say that Gregory is entitled to artistic licence and to interpret the history of Anne as she wants, but when I see Gregory on tv speaking as a ‘historian’, the line becomes blurred for me.

I must admit I read very little historical fiction these days.  The main problem is time, and also that there is so much ‘bad’ historical fiction out there.  In my early teens,  way before the internet, I relied on my local library, and read every  Jean Plaidy  novel I could get my hands on.  I always read non-fiction books on the Tudors, but any non-Tudor Plaidy novels I read would always spark an interest and then I’d look for factual books and check her historical interpretation and understanding.    Plaidy relied on Agnes Strickland’s ‘Lives of the Queens of England’, of which there was a complete reference set in my local library and I spent many a rainy day in school holidays ploughing through the volumes.   Of course a lot of what Strickland wrote has been challenged, and rightly so.   I found Plaidy’s novels inoffensive, even when I disagreed with her interpretation.  It was having read Plaidy’s ‘Follies of the King’ which ignited my interest in Piers Gaveston, although it was very difficult to find any history bios on Edward II then, let alone Piers.   I read many fiction books at that time, and was used to the portrayal  of Edward and Piers as being weak, Edward being more or less stupid and being led by the nose by Piers, who was always arrogant and vain and annoyed the hell out of a neglected/vengeful Isabella and paid the price. 

Today’s historical fiction goes much further than Plaidy ever did.   Some of the things I’ve read have bordered on the ridiculous, the bizarre and downright insulting.  In some novels I’ve read how Isabella was abused by her brothers as a child,  Piers was a high – or even low – class whore,  Edward was unbelievably stupid and a rapist who didn’t love his children.   It’s the portrayal of Piers as a prostitute I most object to.  There is NO evidence for this.  Piers is praised in the chronicles of the time as being graceful, well-mannered and chivalrous who actively took part in warfare or tournaments and was seen as a fit companion for the Prince of Wales by no less a person than his father, Edward Ist.  So, whenever Piers is down on his luck, short of money etc, does he enter a rich tournament?  Ask Edward for some money?  Or even ‘steal’ Edward’s wedding presents?  Ask his family for money?  Sell his horse or fine clothes?  Indulge in a bit of piracy?  No, he sleeps with anyone for whatever coin he can get.    Apparently this is all to do with him being raped as a child.  Poor Piers ends up getting raped by Edward and Warwick’s men when he is imprisoned in the same novel.   I wonder where the source for this evidence comes from?  Is there a book out there entitled ‘Knighthood and Prostitution in Medieval times’?   or maybe ‘Warfare and whoring’?   

The nature of the relationship between Piers and Edward II may never be known – unless Piers’ diary is secretly out there somewhere.  It is open to interpretation by novelists.  But as the novelist Susan Higginbotham said on Kathryn’s blog, and I hope she doesn’t mind me re-posting it here –

I think there's responsible gap-filling and irresponsible gap-filling. For instance, it's beyond dispute that something happened to Richard III's nephews. A novelist writing about Richard is going to have to come up with some solution to the mystery (unless he or she chooses to leave it unsolved, which for me as a reader would be off-putting).

But there's irresponsible gap-filling--as in a novel I read where the author invents an episode where Lady Jane Grey is raped by her father, and then uses this supposed rape, which is not supported by a shred of historical evidence, to explain some of Jane's actions later in the novel.

I totally agree with what Susan is saying, and I have read her novels and thoroughly enjoyed them, and there are times I may disagree with her historical interpretation, but I accept why she has written it and more importantly, I have never been offended by anything she has written. 

Many thanks to Kathryn for this wonderful 'card' which I hope she doesn't mind me re-posting - it says it all for me.

 

Anniversary of Anne Boleyn's execution

The 19th of May is the anniversary of the execution of Anne Boleyn, and this year I managed to make my way to the Tower of London for the date.  I visited the chapel of St Peter ad Vincula on 2 of the Beefeater tours, and then when it was opened to the public after 4.30pm.  I saw the famous basket of roses that arrives every year - no-one knows who from.  Other people had also brought flowers to lay on Anne's grave.  The flowers increased as the day went on.  I enjoyed meeting some of Anne's 'fans', and although it's not allowed, I'm afarid I did sneak a quick photo.  Sorry!